PS 3 - Intrument of Death?

Yes. It's true. Haven't you seen the contoller?

Look at it, waiting to strike...

That thing is an accidental death waiting to happen... and then the media will get their greasy mits on the juicy story and it'll mean the end of Sony. It's horrible. HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!

Look, this is what's gonna happen. Some poor chump will be sitting there, playing Killzone 2. It's gonna be hard as hell, and it turns out this poor chump sucks at video games anyways. Look at him, that looser.

He'll get pissed off, cause he always does, and he'll feel great violent urges. He'll squeeze the controller super tight, wishing it was a person's neck, but then he'll stop cause it's just a hunk of plastic and he's a moron. He'll still be pissed though. That's when it'll happen.

He'll punch himself in the leg.

Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but with this new controller in his hand... that dual dildo action is gonna tear right through his clothes, tear right through his flesh, ripping open his femoral artery.

For the uneducated, the femoral artery is the biggest artery in your body, besides the aorta. It transports ALL the blood to your legs. People have been known to squirt blood 10 feet out from femoral punctures. Getting it cut is like cutting the bottom off of a cup full of water. Only your body is the cup, and the water is your blood. Every drop will squirt out in less than 3 minutes.

It's horrible, but then the media will get all over it. Headlines across the country will read: "Video Games Lead to SUICIDE!".

The Next Generation

Wellp, they've been shown to the public. Finally. Apparently we have two supercomputers and then a mini-atx for our next generation of gaming consoles.

Microsoft claims the Xbox 360 runs all the way up there at one teraflop. And then Sony says the PS3 runs at a ridiculous 2.18 teraflops. Nintendo hasn't released any info, but it's obvious they have no interest in pushing technology to it's limits, rather they want to make something that will be sane, new, and fun. I really hope they hit all three.

My hunch is that Nintendo will piss me off the least this coming generation. Sony and MS seem to have leaped into the friggin deep end. Is it really necessary to have such inane amounts of power in a machine that has a shelf life of 4 or 5 years? Fuck no! How much are these gargantuan beasts going to cost? How much are the motherfucking games going to cost? How long is it going to take to make these games? And how long will the games themselves be? MS and Sony seem to be heading into a future where you drop $800 on a system, then $70 to $80 bucks on each game which you will be able to play through in 10 hours or less. I don't care how fucktastical the graphics are, that's a fucking rip-off.

Nintendo though... they haven't released info about their controllers, which is the part that's supposed to be deserving the title of Revolution. Hopefully the controllers aren't so zany that it bumps the price of the system right up there with the PS3 and Xbox 360. In their E3 press conference, the specifically stated that they want their machine to be the affordable soultion for game developers... which I hope to god means that the games will also be affordable for consumers. One thing that Nintendo's doing has got me really happy though, the revolution will emulate all their consoles so far, and you will be able to download their entire back library... all the way back to the NES! That's just sweet. It's been a goddamn long time since I've played Zelda: A Link to the Past on a TV, with a controller. Mmmm.

Wellp, that's my rant. Of course, I will be a consumer whore and end up buying all three systems eventually, even if it turns out to be as bleak as I fear. Ah, hypocracy, my old friend.

Redneckin

Burger

Fine Dinin

So I've been thinking about this. Food. It's damn good. And beef, that's where it's at. Now, we all know that there's little better than sinking your teeth into a juicy hunk of cow flesh, cooked as little or as much as you like it. Personally I like it bloody. But then we also all know about veal, and how supposedly it's super tender and yummy. I haven't had veal yet, but from what I hear veal > beef. So, let's follow the logic... Baby cow is yummier than adult cow... so what is yummier than baby cow?? Cow fetus!!! I so want to eat a cow fetus. I mean, it's not that much differnt than eating eggs, now is it? Those are just chicken fetuses, right?

I think the best way to do it would be to throw a huge pro-choice BBQ, and the main course would be char-broiled cow fetuses. Mmmmm.

Family Guy

Peter: Oh my god, you know what this means? We'll have to go inside and find a high-roller who will pay me one million dollars to sleep with my wife!

Lois: No it doesn't! Peter, that's ridiculous!

Peter: C'mon Lois, we're talk about the people who sold Manhattan Island for twenty four dollars, they have no idea how much things are worth.

I love TV

I have two things to tell all y'all. First off, I made up a drink. Take one part Bacardi 151, one part hpnotiq, one to two parts mt. dew, and some ice. It's called a Kidney Dew.

The other thing... apparently there's some kind of beetle that shoots out liquid at like 200 degrees fahrenheit. I want to train like hundreds of em to kill people when I say the word "Nipple!"